Category «Please Don’t»

Things well meaning people do or say, that actually annoy many trans folks.

So you pretty much have gay sex?

I’ve never had gay sex. I’ll let you know what it’s like if I ever find myself having sex with another woman. I am not defined by my genitals, and the orientation of the sex I’m having is not defined by the combined sets of genitals.

What was your old name?

There’s a reason that trans folks call our names given to us at birth our dead names. That name is dead to us when we live authentically full time. These names may be trivia for some of us, but for others these dead names hold painful memories not to be brought up for your curiosity. …

Did you have “the surgery”?

Which surgery? There’s a number of surgeries on a number of areas of the body that trans folk seek out. However, examine why you’re asking in the first place. Are you close enough to the person that you may be a care taker, should they have any surgery? Are you interested in or currently dating …

You’re so brave

Brave for what? Being out? Being an activist? Fighting off the forces of Rita Repulsa? This comes from a good place, and I typically respond with a “thank you” or such if I’m not willing to spend the time discussing the nuance of this. Yes, being out and trans can be dangerous and certainly presents …