Learning to open up

I continue to be a reserved person, and I don’t feel the need to actively work on that. I find myself with more capacity to open up to people now that I’m out and proud, but I don’t feel as though I’ve done anything close to a 180. Before I came out, I was primarily driven by fear. If no one could get to know me well, no one would learn my truth. Should my truth be revealed anyways, the inevitable rejection would not sting as much. I eventually came out to a lack of surprise and a lack of rejection, to give everyone an idea of how much this actually worked for me. While I don’t have that fear to nearly the same degree today, the effects still live with me. I’m hesitant to share my trans status with new people, despite it being so well known. I still have remnants of my defenses in place that people still have to scale. I can’t separate what remains because of past trauma, and what remains to shield me from transphobia today. I could probably work through this with my therapist and arrive at an answer, but this doesn’t cause me distress. Behind my floodgate is a release valve.